TRANSCRIPT: By now, most of Central Florida probably has heard of the I-4 Ultimate project – the effort to reconstruct 21 miles of Interstate 4 (I-4), including the portion that runs through downtown Orlando. But another project called Beyond the Ultimate (BtU) may seem completely new to many residents and motorists. WHAT!? However, this 40-mile project, which will become better known during the next few months, actually has been in development for several years. WHAT!? One segment, at least, is expected to start construction in 2020. (exhale) For the average driver, who is not yet familiar with BtU, like every human being in Central Florida, it might be easiest to think of BtU as an extension of the massive I-4 Ultimate Project. Fuck. BtU extends the eastern endpoint of the managed lanes another 20 miles and also adds 20 miles to its western endpoint. When complete, it will cover twice the length of the current I-4 Ultimate project. (exhale) Both BtU and I-4 Ultimate will improve pavement, ramps and interchanges, and both projects will maintain the current six non-tolled lanes while adding four dynamic tolled Express Lanes (two in each direction). The Florida Department of Transportation (FDOT) oversees both projects. God dammit! When you bitch about traffic, don’t bitch at the cars, bitch at these fucking turd fucks who continue to build highways and build highways and build highways and REFUSE to give us public transportation… and the DEVELOPERS who continue to build planned residential developments farther out and farther out, which pleases the developers of shopping centers which them selves give locals the wretched experience of paring and walking, removing the concept of city centers and downtowns from Central Florida’s collective consience. So DO NOT yell in your car while on I4 about the cars in front of and behind you… yell at the people in charge of creating… your life.

If you’re poor don’t listen to this next story. The former Crate & Barrel space at the Bloomingdales end of Mall at Millenia (the clean classy quiet good place with no bath and body work shoppers swinging baskets and buying lavandar lotions) is becoming an Hermes store. If you are already missing Crate & Barrel you can WATCH a final walk-thru video we filmed days before it closed on our facebook page. And before you watch I APOLOGIZE for never taking into account the about-to-be-out-of-work employees… because all I do in the video is cry and weep sarcastically that the city is losing a bit of its heart with the closing of the store. And you should see the comments on facebook: PEOPLE AGREE WITH ME. I never knew so many people loved Crate and Barrel. So I apologize to them and the former employees. An opening date for Air-mez has not been announced. The brand’s most notable product is the Birkin handbag which has fetched upwards of $250,000 at auction. Purseblog says “The Birkin is not trendy, it is timeless. Extremely timeless. In fact, this is the bag that many dream of owning and while it is easily recognizable it is equally as iconic. Year after year, season after season, this bag will not go out of style.”   Heads up: if you’d like a vintage Birkin, there’s a store that sells them at Florida Mall. It’s called: DILLARDS. 50% of Hermes sales are from leather goods and horse saddles. The brand also sells high end mens and womens clothing, jewelry, watches, fragrances, shoes, handbags, scarves, ties, equestrian equipment, stationary and baby gifts.

Tori Tori is a new project by the owner of DOMU opening in Mills50 at 720 N Mills Ave (MAP). It’s been described as a “traditional Japanese pub.” The opening is expected this summer. We told you in April 2017 the building into which this pub is going was SUPPOSED to become a community rental hall. We stand corrected, Elite Premiere Investments LLC. They’re the owners of the building. I’ll never go to this place but y’all can go. Don’t invite me. I’m not interested. O maybe I’ll go to open my mind up. Ok let’s all meet up there on opening night. See you there y’all!

The Fuzzy’s Taco Shop chain is opening a location downtown at 104 N. Orange Ave. They serve salads, tacos, burritos, burrito bowls, nachos, plated dinners, quesadillas and… breakfast. No opening date has been announced. There are 2 other locations of this chain in Central Florida: one in Altamonte at 795 Gateway Dr and another  in Orlando at 12241 E Colonial Dr. And if you’d like to bring Orlando ANOTHER location, buy a franchise! Details on thedailycity.com.

The empty space next door to Burton’s Bar at 805 E. Washington Street in Thornton Park will become a restaurant called Big Time Streetfood Co. The owners of Gnarly Barley are in charge of the project. They’ll serve sammiches and bar food, keep the same hours as Burton’s and will open March-ish April-ish. Props to Bungalower for uncovering this sotry.

The City of Orlando has been selected as 1 of 10 teams nationwide to partcipate in the Solar Energy Innovation Network administered by the National Renewable Energy Laboratory. The City of Orlando will investigate approaches for deploying solar photovoltaic (PV) and solar PV plus storage to increase resiliency of municipal operations and achieve the 100% renewable energy goals set out in August 2017.  The City will expend $169,000 to carry this out. The city is receiving a grant award for $140,000, and contributing 20% of that amount ($28,117.12) to cover its matching requirements in the form of staff time. The National Renewable Energy Laboratory will also match this grant with additional technical and financial support. I… don’t care.

The Orlando Bicycle Beltway, one of 10 neighborhood infrastructure improvements coming to Orlando, is an 8.25 mile loop that will circle through the Central Business District all the way to Fashion Square/Colonial area and back once completed. It will ultimately connect Downtown to the region’s trail system. This beltway will utilize the existing Orlando Urban Trail, Cady Way Trail, and Lake Underhill Path. It’s a part of the 40-mile network of urban bike trails within the City of Orlando.  There has been a focus on completing the beltway due to the addition of the bike share program, increased residential density, burgeoning sports and entertainment complexes, and new and expanding bus and rail transit options. To complete the project, two gaps must be addressed:  (1) The North Quarter area which needs to connect to the existing Dinky Line Trail at Magnolia and  (2) The Downtown Connector Trail: the southern section of the beltway which will start at the existing Lake Underhill Path and travel west along Anderson Street to Rosalind Avenue, nearly two miles. It will be a minimum of ten feet wide. This segment of trail will better connect the Lake Como, Lake Davis, and Lake Cherokee neighborhoods with a safe and convenient alternative transportation option to access the Central Business District.